A few years ago, when my daughter was around 2 years old, we were shopping together in the local Wal-Mart. While we were walking down one of the aisles, we passed a woman who was bald. My daughter said, "Mommy, that lady doesn't have any hair!" I felt immediate embarrassment and quietly shushed my daughter so the woman wouldn't hear my daughter's comments. I quickly pushed the cart to another aisle and my daughter continued to ask questions like, "is she a boy?" I told her that we aren't supposed to say things like that out loud.
By shushing my daughter and telling her that we don't talk about things like that, I was sending a message that the questions she was asking were wrong. I was teaching her that the differences in people were something to be ashamed of or hidden. I was also stifling her natural curiosity to ask questions about differences as well as providing her with an opportunity to learn about human differences.
An anti-bias educator may have responded by saying, "Many people have different hair styles. They can have long hair, short hair, no hair, hair of many different colors, etc." A conversation could also take place about reasons people may have no hair, such as disease. After the initial discussion, we could look at different hair styles that we see on television, in books, in our family as well as in magazines and photographs. An anti-bias educator would support and develop a child's understanding instead of silencing the child.
Ashli,
ReplyDeleteKids are very outspoken and blunt, they get to the point. Your little girl was curious and wanted to know about the woman. That is a common question to think, "is she a boy?" because she was a woman. I don't blame you for shushing her and moving to another aisle, honestly I would have done the same thing. It is embarrassing when a child makes comment such as that. However, that was a great opportunity to teach her and tell her about the differences of everyone in the world. Thank you for sharing
Hello Ashli-
ReplyDeleteI've also been in similar situations with my own children and I agree with you in that they can be embarrassing and “on the spot.” Previous to learning more about anti-bias education, I thought comments (like your example) reflected poorly on my parenting styles. I felt like I wasn't doing a good job in being a mother. As I reflect now, I feel these particular situations model how to communicate in an open, honest, and respectful way. I like your ideas in showing photos and having open discussions about the variety of hair styles people have. Books, sorting pictures, images, photos and puppets are all ways to model and provide opportunities for children to think about or act against biases (Laureate Education Inc., 2011). Thank you for sharing your experience!
References:
Laureate Education Inc. (Producer). (2011). Start Seeing Diversity: Physical Abilities and Physical Characteristics [video].