What I Have Learned

One hope that I have when thinking about working with children and families is to expose them to all of the wonderful diversity that is in our world.  I would hope to help the children and their families develop a deeper understanding of differences and to have an acceptance for all people.

One goal I would like to set for the early childhood field related to diversity, equity, and social justice would be to provide early childhood educators with opportunities to continue their education about these topics.  I have realized that through this course, I still have a great deal to learn about myself as well as how to address issues related to diversity, equity and social justice.  Continuing conversations as well as the learning of early childhood educators would be extremely beneficial to the field.  

I would like to thank all of my colleagues and Dr. Klein for their support and guidance through this course.  I appreciate all of the personal stories that were told, they truly helped deepen my understanding of the topics we studied.  Best of luck in your future courses and work in the early childhood field. 

DIVERSITY

Start Seeing Diversity..."We Don't Say Those Words in Class"

A few years ago, when my daughter was around 2 years old, we were shopping together in the local Wal-Mart.  While we were walking down one of the aisles, we passed a woman who was bald.  My daughter said, "Mommy, that lady doesn't have any hair!"  I felt immediate embarrassment and quietly shushed my daughter so the woman wouldn't hear my daughter's comments.  I quickly pushed the cart to another aisle and my daughter continued to ask questions like, "is she a boy?"  I told her that we aren't supposed to say things like that out loud. 

By shushing my daughter and telling her that we don't talk about things like that, I was sending a message that the questions she was asking were wrong.  I was teaching her that the differences in people were something to be ashamed of or hidden.  I was also stifling her natural curiosity to ask questions about differences as well as providing her with an opportunity to learn about human differences. 

An anti-bias educator may have responded by saying, "Many people have different hair styles.  They can have long hair, short hair, no hair, hair of many different colors, etc."   A conversation could also take place about reasons people may have no hair, such as disease.   After the initial discussion, we could look at different hair styles that we see on television, in books, in our family as well as in magazines and photographs.  An anti-bias educator would support and develop a child's understanding instead of silencing the child. 

Start Seeing Diversity

I think that society creates an environment of homophobia and heterosexism.  Gender stereotypes pay a large role in this specifically when many activities are defined as specifically for boys or girls.  If a boy or girl engages in a certain activity that is defined for the opposite gender, they can be described as a “tom boy” or a “sissy”. 

 

As I think about the books that I read with my children or the movies and television shows that they watch, I cannot identify a time when we have read about or watched a story that involved a gay family or couple.  It is almost like this topic is not allowed for young children.  Some of the books that I read with my children include a single parent, but never a situation with a homosexual couple.  Because children do not have much experience with this, it is something they are curious about when they see it. 

 

My daughter attended a daycare with two little girls who had lesbian parents.  One day, she told me that they did not have a daddy, but two mommies.  I began to explain to her that this is a typical situation.  In fact, she has two daddies, her step-father and her birth father.  She was not satisfied with this explanation and I told her that sometimes two women can love each other and sometimes two men can love each other.  She asked me several questions, but was most concerned about what the couples would wear when they got married!  She was very accepting of the fact that families can be different and I’m very glad she got to experience that at such a young age.   

 

I feel that early childhood centers should have books and pictures and other resources to help children develop an understanding of different families.  This is a great step toward creating a generation of open-mindedness.  In fact, because my daughter saw this, she was able to ask questions and feel open to the fact that all families are different.

 

If a parent expressed concerns about having a homosexual caregiver, I would discuss the concern with my colleagues and administrators.  I would hope that we could talk with the parent and offer some diversity trainings or workshops as well as invite the parents into the classroom to see how the child is being cared for.

           

I have not used a homophobic term toward a child as an insult, but have heard children use homophobic terms toward each other.  I work with a group of 5^th grade students.  Last year, there was a boy in another teacher’s class who liked a girl.  The girl did not return his affections and in retaliation, he spread rumors that she was a lesbian.  It was clear that this was meant as an insult and the teacher, administrator and parents had a conference with the child.  These types of comments could influence all children because it creates an environment where these types of comments, meant to insult, become acceptable for others to use.  It can also lead to children who may come from a family that has two moms or dads to feel embarrassed or to develop a negative self identity. 

 

Gender roles and stereotypes as well as homophobia are topics that need to be discussed and addressed with young children.  It is the lack of exposure and ignorance of the topics that lead children to create stereotypes.

Team Development

I worked with a team of 3 other teachers for 3-4 years.  This group was extremely high-performing because we were all working with each other and for the good of the team, which in turn benefited the students.  All people showcased their own strengths for different aspects, such as developing creative ideas to teach a topic, coming up with an interesting writing assignment, or a new strategy for teaching math.  There was not one defined leader, but each person stepped up at different times.  

This past school year, I had to leave the team, which had really become my family.  It was very difficult for me to leave the team.  I even experienced slight depression symptoms because of the drastic change and withdraw from my support system.  I believe this occurred because I did not have the same connection with my new team. As the year has progressed however, I do feel that my new team is also a support system, which is positive.  We continue to maintain a friendship and share resources and ideas with each other, even though we are no longer considered a team.  

I imagine that the adjourning stage from this master's program will be a celebratory time because we all understand how hard each of us have worked to complete the program.  We have benefited from each other's knowledge and will use that to improve our own professional growth.

Adjourning is essential because all projects and groups come to an end.  This is often the main goal of forming a group in the first place, to accomplish a task.  Once the task is complete, the group has to either stay together and set a new goal or take what they have learned and form a new group. 

Conflict in Relationships

I tend to avoid conflict whenever possible, so luckily I am not currently experiencing any conflict.  I have experienced much conflict and many disagreements in the past, specifically regarding the relationship I have with my husband.

My husband is a wonderful man who not only took on the responsibilities of being a husband, but also took on the responsibilities of being a father at the same time.  When we got married, my daughter, from a previous relationship, was 3 years old.  She was certainly a mommy's little angel because it had only been me and her for nearly her entire life, but my husband didn't always view her in the same way. 

This conflict around my husband's role in my daughter's life did cause many disagreements in our relationship.  One issue we struggled with was discipline and his role in this.  I did all of the discipline for her, but many times did not follow through with consequences or let her get away with things because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or upset her.  He on the other hand, wanted to set strict boundaries and rules and when he did enforce consequences, I felt like he was targeting her and upsetting her.  I would swoop in to comfort her when he wasn't looking.  This caused a great deal of conflict because my husband felt that he wasn't being supported in his relationship with our daughter and we really struggled finding his place there. 

Two strategies I learned about this week that helped us resolve our conflict were compassionate communication and compromise. The NVC website explains that compassionate communication or nonviolent communication focuses on communicating in a compassionate manner in order to meet everyone's needs (http://www.cnvc.org).  Although we did disagree about some things, we both had only the best intentions in mind in regards to my daughter.  We both wanted what was best for her.  When communicating about this issue, we both expressed our concerns and we were both considerate regarding the other's position.  My husband understood that it was difficult for me emotionally to see my daughter upset, while I understood the difficulties he faced with trying to find his role as her step-father.  Ultimately, we compromised on most issues.  He allowed me to be the lead when dealing with discipline issues and we supported each other and worked as a team when problems with our daughter would arise.  I made sure to begin following through with consequences and my husband was less aggressive with these consequences.  

Utilizing cooperative strategies which benefited our family relationship and served mutual goals helped us to create a loving and nurturing environment for our daughter (O'Hair and Wiemann, 2012).  Although we still have an occasional disagreement or conflict about what is right for our daughter, we rely on compassionate communication and compromise to attack the issue.    

References

 O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real Communication . Boston: Bedford/St. Martins.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). NVC Model & NVC Concept. The

center for Nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

Who am I as a Communicator?

I found this week's application assignment to be very informative and really did give me some information about how I perceive myself as well as how I am perceived by others.  I had my husband and one of my colleagues evaluate my communication skills.  Both of them gave me scores very similar to my own, with minor differences.

I was most surprised that I scored in the moderate range for verbal aggressiveness.  I am quiet, shy and tend to avoid conflict if possible.  I was certain that I would score in the low range for verbal aggressiveness.  When my husband evaluated me, I scored in the mild range, but it was very close to moderate.  When evaluated by my colleague, I scored in the moderate range as well.  This was different than I perceived myself or even how I believed others perceived me.  After considering this rating, I realized that I don't like conflict, however if I feel the need to express a thought or opinion about something, I will do it.  I guess that it is what I say when I do speak, not my apprehensiveness about speaking that led me to score in the moderate range.  

I also learned that I have a people-oriented listening style and that I have situational communication anxiety.  I agree with this assessment of myself and feel that the description of these two attributes are accurate.  Being people-oriented will help me build relationships with the children and families with whom I work as well as with family members and friends.  One down side to this, however is that I may be too trusting of others and could possibly be taken advantage of (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009).  I have always been reluctant to speak in front of others or even have conversations with those whom I'm not comfortable.  Being labled as having "situational" communication anxiety is accurate.  Who I am communicating with affects my comfort level and I do tend to avoid these situations.  I seek out opportunities to challenge myself to become more comfortable with these situations.  I volunteer to deliver staff development as well as interact with people I don't know very well when my husband and I are out at social events.  

The information provided by these assessments will help me to become a better communicator and I'm glad I had the opportunity to learn about my perceptions as well as the perceptions of others.  

Resources

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.)

       (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: 

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